It is not that time of the year when homesickness begins to set in. Why do I then feel wrong? Darn, this is not how I want it to be. I have to stick around for at least one year. In a place so dull that even the sun doesnt shine(!). Add to that courses on quantum, stat mech and multivariable calculus and a twenty minute walk to class(I havent missed any!).
Its a hard life alright!

Things have calmed down. Classes in full gear. Its monotonous. But its scary. Theres always work. I have put it in for a month hoping it will bear fruit some day. Question is that there are ten more such months ahead. Is it sustainable? I think its just within the realms of possible. We'll find out.

Even more concerning is this ever so sharply rising feeling. I dont know what to call it. Blame it on my vocab. And its only increasing. Its not "lonely" because I have friends and I chat for a while. Its not "dejected" as I am where I wanted to be and doing what I wanted to. I dont know what it is. And it rises all the time. Its hard to put in words (At least with my vocab!!). And its very negative. I think it stems from being in an alien nation. For I never felt this way before. Or could be the fact that I am taking myself alot more seriously now. Nah!! its the former. For sure.

Hell I am at Oxford! Its beautiful. I have a great room. And my own loo/bathroom (a stark contrast from mukh west days). I have great teachers. A lovely set of friends. I even enjoy quantum classes. I have free fruits. I dont eat a good lunch. But I have at least come to terms with the fact that bad food is a universal phenomenon and very rarely do you get anything worth hogging! My cooking is improving. I can boil rice now and make an omlette as good as Thapa/Bajrangi. I can even solve some assignment problems without opening a book! Thus, to quote an illustrious sportsy from college, "its all good yaar".

But then, I dont feel right. Somethings missing. My social life isn't as happening as it once used to be. I dont particularly relish bars and bops, but i am getting along. That front is fine. I am happy with my studies. I could do more but it doesnt bother me alot. I play football/frisbee almost every saturday. I am occupied most of the time.

But this "thing", I dont know what to do with it. And its wearing me down..........