The oxford chapter is about to be closed. On a positive note I hope. I fretted and sweated and lost sleep over my viva. Only to find a very sweet god sent external and a sympathetic supervisor asking 30 minutes of (what I thought) elementary work. However, the final question they put to me has stayed with me.

In a very rehearsed and typically British manner, the lady asked rather nonchalantly, "Have you got what you expected out of this course?"

My answer began with a long pause. This was only justified. Throughout my course, I concentrated on doing well on certain papers and keeping people around me generally happy. Never thought of whether I was getting what I came for. Now, with this question thrusted at my face, with two very respectable and smart people waiting eagerly, I had to think about what I never had.

First thought: What was it that I really expected and came all the way for ???????
I began muttering slowly and inaudibly and (I also think) with an accentuated indian accent the following:

" I expected this course to provide me with a SOLID (can't believe I used that word in a formal viva!) backing in solid state and quantum physics and teach me how to apply these fudamental principles to challenging problems in the field of THEORETICAL CHEMISTRY!!!!"

I did have to repeat what I said because every time people put me under pressure and expect a reply, I speak in the way that comes most naturally to me i.e. incoherently in the most indianised form of english with every syllable pronounced the way it ought not to!

Second thought: What a load of crap! Add something to sound smarter. They should think you know what u actually expected and to what extent those expectations were really fulfilled

And, almost in a fit, I went on to state an example of how I successfully applied the fundamental theory and application methods I learnt during the course to this particular project by pointing to figures and graphs in front of us and citing how a certain class with a certain professor got me thinking towards this possibility.

Third thought: okay never mind. Try some makkhan.

"The teachers and lectures were very enlightening and the discussions intellectually stimulating. I think the best thing to come out of this experience is that I have understood and developed a feel for tackling problems in the context of theoretical work. Also my numerical abilities have goneup a great deal. So all in all, I feel extremely satisfied at the end of this course"

The examiners nod and generally seem to acknowledge the answer. It really wasnt relevant in terms of my viva performance but still I did have to show people I could talk a bit!

Fifth thought: Oh yes. I can also bullshit now. That is by far the best skill I have honed at Oxford.

So what was I really expecting from my course when I came to Oxford??

With some time to introspect at hand. Heres what I think it really was.
As far as the course is concerned, I wanted to learn as much as I could and as sincerely as I could from the very knowledgeable faculty. Take cues for approaching problems. Develop an instinct for the same. Get a licence to independent thought and the freedom to put it in the open for naked scrutiny. Yes, I had all of that. Discuss a grave issue with my professor over a cup of tea in the common room, feel a part of the system, have fun interacting with different people, marvel at the different skills different people had and how they all fit into the greater scheme of things.
Develop an informal bond with the faculty and may be even go out for a drink with them. I had
none of it!

Of course. I had tonnes of other pictures in my head before I got here. Some fit, most did not. Then I realised the legend built around this place was exactly that, a legend.